Beware of any work for God that causes or allows you to avoid concentrating on Him.

my utmost for His highest

so... yet again, God proves Himself faithful... and when you pray, u're guaranteed to get answers. so as i wuz bloggin last nite... i need to listen more and just drop everything to hear His voice... cuz yah.. i've been so wrapped up in all the stuff thaz coming up... softball, work, coffeehouse, school, church, and SOO much more.. that i've kinda cut my prayer times down to like the 5 minz before i fall asleep... then i find myself waking up and saying amen.. cuz i didn't completely finish the prayer before i lost consciousness... and truthfully, God deserves much better.

so itz kinda funnie that i wake up early this morning for no reason... and i couldn't get back to sleep either... so i open up my utmost... and the statement above is the first statement. and it continues on later and says: The only responsibility you have is to stay in living constant touch with God, and to see that you allow nothing to hinder your cooperation with Him. and all about how it's when we lose sight of God and let the "stuff" get in the way of our focus on God that we end up being burdened and burned out... and honestly, i think thaz the reason that i wuz in sucha funk recently. and well, God finally got through to me.. PRAISE GOD!!! itz awesome to hear Him... and yah... itz a challenge... esp with all the stuff thaz coming up, but listening and just BEING with God is more important than doing all the stuff... after all God values the person more than the ministry.

mmm.. what else is there to say? i started the day in prayer and will be ending it in prayer.. and well itz been awesome throughout! oh!!! there are a couple of prayer requests... bcf coffeehouse.. we need some guidance on that... currently, we're lacking a/some teacher supervisor(s) and we can't have a coffeehouse if there aren't any staff supervisors.. but i know God'll provide.. i think this is just one of those tests.. cuz up to now thingz have come prettie easy... mmm.. more prayer... lots of prayer... other than that, i don't really have anything else that comes to mind. hopefully my day tmw'll be as productive as today... meh.. didn't get the comp art stuff done, but itz arrite.. as long as i stop being so lazie... grrr.. so hard to be motivated when u've already gotten acceptances and u just want summer to be here.. =P

anyhoo... time to pray and just talk to God for a bit.. whee!! can't wait... God's been so awesome.. there are SOOO many thingz that He's blessed me with, itz crazie... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! i can't wait to see what tomorrow'll bring... and then friday.. eekk!!!! test.. =P and then the weekend.. whoa!!! thiz weekend's gotta be fun... =D so much stuff to do, but fun stuff... =) anywayz.. 'nuff for now... prayer time...time to sit and BE STILL....

make my life a prayer to You
i want to do what You want me to...

~ make my life a prayer ~

The secret of the servant’s life is that he stays in tune with God all the time.

my utmost for His highest

okay... wow... just... wow... the things that have been happening lately are just mind-boggling. seriously. i dun even know where to start! i guess first off... lotsa prayer... i dun think i've been spending nearly enuff time in prayer as i should be. and when i am praying, itz like my mind is elsewhere and i'm not really giving God my full attention. and i know how annoying that can be at times when you don't give someone all your attention and ur heart and ur mind are kinda in two different places. thaz how i feel a lotta the time. i think i'm kinda in danger of fallin in the "martha syndrome" just doing stuff... but not listening and being still enuff... but when i actually DO stand still and just LISTEN.. oh my... God's amazing. tonite i've learned a lot... actually wait.. this whole easter weekend i've learned a lot and i've realized a lot i guess... i've realized that i'm slowly... and i emphasize SLOWLY growing up. i can't just be the kid i alwayz am anymore... gotta take on more and more responsibility.. esp heading off to univ...

so... back to the thingz that i've learned.... focus... i've been learning more and more about how important it really is to focus on God and make Him the centre and purpose for EVERYTHING. i guess itz really hard when u're heading off to univ and u've got school and what not to worrie about. and i guess this weekend i really saw how busy i am... and how busy i'm gonna be for the next few months. i dunno... kinda good, kinda bad? good cuz a lot of it is like ministry stuff... bad cuz it makes me busy and i don't wanna be so busy that i #1. lose touch with God.... become out of tune w/ God all of a sudden.... and #2. lose touch with my friends, family and basics... i dun ever wanna be too busy to stop and just chit-chat with friends and catch up on whatz been going on... and of course to accomplish all this... i know exactly what i need... PRAYER... and some good time management skillz.. meanin no more slacking and procrastinating.. hahahaha... come to think of it, i'm STILL procrastinating right now!!! aiya... got lotz to learn and lotz to work on... mmm.. i have a feelin i'm in for a good smackin... =P *sigh* need to be still.. need to listen... need to TRUST... and just wait on God and wait on His timing for thingz... and i think more humility is needed... still got some pride in me... needs to be broken down.. i SOOO need to be like stepped on or something.... =P just proves that i'm still a work in progress...=/

draw me close to You, never let me go...

You're all i want
You're all i ever needed
You're all i want
Help me know You are near

~ draw me close ~

God is good

honestly, don't know what else to say... God's just been mad blessing me left right and center kinda thing....1st thing's first... GOD GOT ME INTO YORK!!!! whooo!!!! my first choice!!!!!!! ackk!!!! i dunno... i'm so excited and happy, but now itz decision making time.. york or ocad... ppl are tellin me ocad.. otherz are tellin me york... gotta do some crazie praying about it.... oh my... i dun wanna make the wrong decision and then regret it and waste a year of my life... eeekkk!!! so yah.. thaz one of the biggies when it comes to prayer requests... that and my calc test tmw... argh... don't like cal-q-lus....

but yah... anywayz.. 'nuff venting... God's been awesome.. just the stuff He's doing in bcf and even in agape... and how He's sustained me thru this week... itz been soooo busy and soooo stressful, but God's been surrounding me with amazing support in my b.a.s.i.cs....just getting prayer support and stuff.. and prayer really does work!!! i wuz praying that i get mosta my calc stuff done today b4 piano so that i could go to yoah.. and ppl were prayin the same thing for me... and well go figure, i get home and i'm able to finish most of everything before piano and i wuz able to go to yoah tonite!!! whooo!!! PRAISE GOD!!!

anywayz... thingz are great... still kinda in a rut in termz of what i'm learning from God... but we all need the times of silence and just perseverence... gotta wait it out and keep pressing on... =) wow... God's amazing... oh my!!! wait.. forgot something! i wuz in bio class today and a nonC friend started asking about why we got thurs off and stuff so i wuz given that window of opportunity to start sharing...so i told her all about passover and easter and stuff.. and what really happened.. and even the history of passover... wow... PRAISE GOD!!! hopefully she'll ask more questionz and God'll gimme the right words to say... prayin that He'll speak thru me... =) and she's muslim too... so itz prettie cool that she's askin all these questionz... wow... i can't wait to see God work! =D God's been sooooo good!!! i dunno where i'd be if i didn't know Him... whoa... scary!!!!

imagine me without You, i'd be lost and so confused
i wouldn't last a day, without You there to see me through
imagine me without You, Lord, You know it's just impossible
because of You, it's all brand new, my life is now worthwhile
i can't imagine me without You.

imagine me without You ~ jaci velasquez

"When you bow down before the Lord and admit your dependence on him, he will lift you up and give you honor."

james 4:10

okay... so God's still teaching. read this yesterday... just totally coincides with the whole 100% dependence = pure joy... wow... God's too good... =) mmm.. ANYwayz.. only three dayz of school this week, but madly packed with WAAAAYYY too many things... found out yesterday that i have a calc test on wednesday too!!!! waaaaahhhh!!!!! i hate school.. grrr...

on the plus side... GOD GOT ME INTO UTM!!!! whooooooo!!!! it wuz my last choice, but i mean now i have two places to go for post-secondary... yayy!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!! argh... gotta get thru two more dayz of school.. just two more dayz... and i just gotta time manage i guess... and well, knock each thing off one by one... step by step... speaking of which.. why am i blogging???? i hafta study!!!!!!! pray for me pplz!!! thx a billion... keep countin ur blessingz, cuz u'll find that God's been giving u much more than u realize... =)

mmmm... God's been quiet... not completely silent, but not throwing me around the room and whacking me across the head either... just quiet... whispering i guess? but yah... been learnin a few things this week... more at the beginning of the week i guess, cuz there were a coupla days when i wuz just in a funk... dunno why.. but yah... just those dayz i guess...

ANYwayz.. lessons learned:

test = testimony
100% dependence + God = pure joy

so yah... itz been interesting.. been kinda silent on blogs lately, cuz well school getz in the way... stinkz.. grrr... can't wait till easter break.. wheeee!!!! three-day school week next week... PRAISE GOD! mmm.. lemme think.. i'm supposed to meet up with Chris Tompkins sometime this week.. wheee!!! free lunch too!!! hahaha.. but yah.. see what God's got in store for the fellowship @ good ol' bafoon.. but yah.. we'll see... mmm.. lots to do this week.. not as much as last week, but still a lot.. lemme think.. eng for monday, bio lab for tues, bus admin test (again) on tues... then FREEDOM!!! hahahaha.. well till after easter break that is.. =P wow... God's been soooo good... gotta keep seekin Him tho in these times of quiet-ness.. =) really really don't wanna get into routine... yuck.. the worst word in the Christian life.. routine... yuck.. =P ANYwayz... i'm glad that i'm still learning.. God' ssoooo good... =D

... the trials in life are not enemies of faith, but are opportunities to prove God's faithfulness ...

okay.. life is .... crazie... i can't say life sux, cuz it doesn't.. i've been given sooo many blessings that even when the trials in life come along, they don't seem that tough, cuz i've got amazing support... PRAISE GOD... okay... so first of all, thingz are a l'il hectic with school, work, fellowship etc, and family... oh my goodness.. dad's in the hospital at the moment cuz something's wrong with his right eye, but thanx soo much to all the ppl who've been prayin for him. his eyesight's gradually gettin better... PRAISE GOD! but yah.. everything else is stressing.. might not be home for a while, cuz some guy @ the hospital my dad wuz at died of sars... and my dad may have to be quarantined for 10 dayz when he comes home.... so i might not be at home for the next ten dayz... whaaa!!!! i already miss him so much already, and i might not even see him for another two weekz!!!!!!!!

thing is, through all this, God's been mad amazing.. He's given me so many B.A.S.I.C.s to support me thru all this.. just ppl to talk to, ppl rootin for my family and prayin for us... wow... and there IS power in prayer... i dunno where i'd be if i weren't a Christian.. seriously, i'd be like going insane right now.. yet somehow, i still have my head about me and i can still somwhat think straight.. altho lately, i've been a l'il flustered... *sigh* i guess itz just cuz ther's a lot to do in the coming week for school cuz univ marks are due next tues and then ther's fellowship(s) and all the stuff related to that... and church and work... oh my.. and then softball stuff too... argh.. so busy all of a sudden... yet somehow, i know i'm gonna get thru all this.. i think i just hafta stop worrying.

argh... =P talkin to a B.I.C.. and i guess just got reminded to NOT rely on my own strength, but on His alone... yah.. i'm gettin mad worried about this upcoming week.. got so much to do and i might not even be in the comfort of my own home thru it all.. then marks are due in and i can't just bomb all the stuff thatz due this week... *sigh* but yah... gotta have more faith.. kinda ironic, isn't it? whatever is impossible with men, is possible with God... and i can't get thru this week on my own strength.. i mean i'm tired just THINKING about it... mmm.. gotta pray more... plz plz plz pray for me (for those rding this) thx so much for everything already... God's been amazing with the blessings... thingz are awesome with my family, my friends, school's been decent, fellowship's been amazing.. blog more about that some other time... and of course... hero... (sucha blessing) hahaha... =D

"Do not worry about your life... Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? ... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.


matthew 6:25-34

oh my... havn't blogged in AGES.... i hate being so busy... *sigh* wish i had more time on my hands... but itz all good.. God's still shining thru all the hectic-ness... mmm.. where to begin? its been like a week since i last blogged? something like that... but in a week so much has happened!!! wow... i guess itz now time to reflect.. hahaha... hopefully i get back to blogging like everyday so i won't have to write so much at one time... meh we'll see what time i have and opportunity i have to blog.. =D

okay... so mmm... been a week since i blogged... grr... gotta try to remember what happened this past week.. =) oh!!!!!! RIGHT!!!!! i got into ocad!!!! waaaahhhhhhh!!!! actually.. i'm wrong.... GOD GOT ME INTO OCAD!!!!!!!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!!!! i don't know what to say... cuz itz like early admission too!!! and yah, true, york is my first choice, but i mean OCAD!!! thaz apparently a mad hard school to get into!!! whoo!! praise God!!! =D so i'm still waiting on a response from york, but i guess if ocad's where God's leading... then that'z where i'll be next year.. it won't be BAD or nething... just diff from the other universities.. and on the plus side i get to go to the art gallery and stuff.. and itz close to ut downtown.. so i can meet up with friends and stuff when i have time... whoa.. so many considerationz to make and what not... *sigh* gettin old...

okay.. what else.. OH!!! fellowship on wednesday.. well yoah on tuesday and fellowship on wed.. whoa!!! God's TOTALLY amazing.. i gotta remember this for this tuesday so i can share @ yoah.. newayz.. so we were talking @ yoah about what God's been doing in the schools and starting to hook up the schools with churches and pastors nearby... wow... when God workz, God works... so after yoah on tues, the bethune fellowship pplz who went to yoah kinda felt like something wuz gonna happen on wednesday.. not necessarily anything extraordinary.. but SOMETHING... so yah.. and on wed, i had spare last period and meeting to go to, so i wuz kinda late for fellowship.. turns out, they thought i wasn't gonna go so they made some planz for the fellowship.. PRAISE GOD!!! cuz i don't wanna alwayz be the one running stuff and what not... cuz what happenz next year??? i don't want ppl to be dependent on me.. i want them to be dependent on God... so yah... they somewhat had stuff planned which wuz awesome.. cuz it meant that i didn't hafta do nething!!! whoo!! and yah.. i walk into the cafe expecting to see like 20 ppl there.. which is usually the case.. and BAM!!! walk in... see 32 ppl there... and when i wuz pulling out the worship stuff for them to use that waz when it really hit me how much 30 some ppl actually is... =) wow... just in awe... amazed...and we were prettie much ill-prepped.. no transparencies, no projector.. piano wuz taken away.. so we just had the guitar.. no program or nething planned... so thingz were kinda done on the fly.. but they DID start talking about next year and the leadership and stuff.. and PRAISE GOD!! there are actually a few ppl that WANT to help out and stuff.. and the idea of having a coffeehouse is also bouncing around... whooo!!! never expected God to be doing this in good ol' bethune... mmm.. gotta keep lifting up the fellowship in prayer.. wow.. this is what happenz when GOD leads... whoa!!!!!! sometimes wish i could stay another year just to see what God does in the school.. ack!! He's so gonna take the fellowship and run with it... and itz sooo encouraging to talk to the younger pplz.. hehehe.. the young'ens... cuz they're dreaming SOOO big for God.. and it totally makes sense too!!! cuz like God's a BIG GOD.. and He deserves BIG dreamz... like if we dream small, itz kinda pointless cuz then we know that we can do it on our own.. but with BIG dreamz... we know that we gotta rely on God's power to have it become a reality.. the kids in the fellowship were saying that they wanted to see the fellowship size double next year.. cuz it doubled this year from last year's numbers.. we had 15.. this year we have 32... and they wanna see 60 next year and 120 the year after... like WHOA!!! the cafe'll be FILLED with ppl.... ack!!!! wanna see it happen!!! God's amazing...

so yah... God's been doing really amazing thingz.. He may not be whacking me... actually wait, no.. He has been whacking me... lemme think.. there have been lessons about purity and faith... yah.. mostly purity and faith... and they've been eye-opening, mind-bending, attention-getting kinda lessons too... mmm.. God's good... no wait.. God's great... 'nuff said... can't wait to see what He's gonna be doing this week... =D

... my heart is bursting Lord, to tell of all You've done ...
- the happy song -